You know those tricky, sleepless years? Man, those are going to be fun. I'm going to be so freaking high. Oh man, people will think that I'm coping magnificently for a first-time parent, but deep down in their subconscious, they will see they crazy-eyes. They will know that beneath my overly-excited demeanor, I am inches away from a baby-killing spree. Not just my babies. Any babies. You got an extra baby? Let me kill that for you, I'm having a sale.
Oh man, no sleep and parent-related hormones! That will be fun for Spouse. The previous statement was false. Good thing My Future Kids won't be able to remember anything that happens before the age of 3. I wonder if this means that won't be scarred by me chasing after them with a butcher knife, or if they will be scarred and they just won't know why. I don't especially want broken children, so I guess I leave that for some other future parent to test.
I wonder what it takes to break your children. A lot? Or just a little? I suppose you must be able to do it by accident. Does it become easy if you do it on purpose? I bet playing mind games with them would be the easiest way to break them. If they can't remember being broken, will they still be broken? How easy is it to fix children? I would guess that that depends on how old they are. Maybe children are like springs. Deform them a little and they snap right back, deform them too much and they lose elasticity. I don't know the physics or the materials science, so I don't even know if my analogy is accurate with itself, much less with children. According to those older and wiser than I, everything is a spring and everything is a bathtub, so maybe it works.
I really hope my efforts to design awesome children will not go horribly awry and break them. I can never decide whether children are really fragile or remarkably tough and adaptable. Or is it both? I guess I'll have a spare in case I break one.
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