I think about the nature of adulthood sometimes.
There are those who claim that we never truly reach adulthood, that we are forever children at heart. I call bullshit. There is no real reason that enjoying so-called "childish" things means that one somehow is a child or not an adult. I think these people are confusing being an adult with being boring. I have also heard that adulthood is just a mask we wear to act like adults until it's no longer a mask. And that may be true. And yet, I feel like true adulthood is something deeper than doing your dishes in a timely fashion.
It just crossed my mind that what I am thinking of is not actually adulthood but rather the resolution to my own inner turmoils. I proceeded to tell myself that adulthood is not well-defined so I can go ahead and use whatever definition I want. So that's that.
Adulthood, to me, consists of a mix of ideas. 1) Responsibility: paying taxes, replying to emails, having your shit together, and the like. 2) Knowledge: knowing what the fuck you're doing, though I hear that this is just a ruse, but I don't completely buy it. 3) Balls: the bravery to go against the status quo.
The inner turmoil I mentioned earlier is balancing learning how to play The Game and telling The Game to go fuck itself. On the one hand, adults are always telling me that I need to play The Game properly if I ever want to get anywhere in life. If I want to get a job, I better present myself well. If I want to keep it, I had better be sending thank you notes for every little thing. On the other hand, I feel that an adult is not slave to The Game and what is expected of them.
As a side note on expectations: I feel that people are highly dependent on their expectations. They have all these models in their brains that tell them what to expect and it's disturbing when these expectations aren't met. This is essentially how I survive in the world. I never know what to do but people always tell me eventually so that I can more properly conform to expectations. Sometimes I even play that role, but much less often. I don't think people like defying expectations either. Maybe that's built in to make our lives operate smoothly.
Maybe it's a matter of learning the rules before you break them. Or at least when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em but maybe that's wisdom.
I think that around this time last year I did not feel like an adult. I think that now I feel like more of an adult than I used to. Not a full-fledged Adult, mind you, but on my way. Maybe adulthood is not an end to be achieved but rather an idealization that move closer to but never quite reach. Maybe that's bollocks though. Because really most people should have a solid grasp on adulthood by 30, I imagine. Maybe all you need to enter the adult club is some minimum level of conscientiousness. And I suppose, failing that, you can just age in.
