Mmm Watcha Say

I will communicate with My Future Kids. I will not assume that they understand all those stupid idioms 'n' shit. I will not assume that they know what I mean. Furthermore, I will make them communicate clearly with me. If they ever say something that can be misinterpreted, I will misinterpret it, regardless of whether I know what they mean or not. Sure, they will consider me to some kind of dumb-shit for the majority of their young adult lives, but at least they will become excellent at saying what they mean. Except, actually, I will not just misinterpret them, because then I'll be just as bad as my parents. I will actually just present them with all the possible interpretations and then purposefully misinterpret them if they remain unclear. I think the extra step will save us all from extra effort and frustration.
Maybe this will cripple My Future Kids. Maybe they will become too used to clarity and won't be able to make good judgments about whatever people mean when they are being ambiguous. This, I realize, is a problem. My Future Kids will need to be able to see things from other people's points of view and should learn to be able to infer what is mostly likely meant. Then again, maybe I should just teach them to ask questions. And teach them to lie so they understand other points of view. I think that will solve the problem.

Thanksgiving

My Future Kids will never be alone on Thanksgiving. At least, they won't need to be. My Future Kids will never need to bear Awkwardsgiving with just me and Spouse. I may not have any good extended family, but Spouse might. Even if we have no real family outside of ourselves and Our Future Kids, we will have other people over. Maybe friends or neighbors or randoms. I'm not huge on the holidays, but actually I am. Thanksgiving is all about people coming together. I don't think My Future Kids will ever need to feel alone on Thanksgiving. They don't need to spend it with me, but they definitely will never spend it with just me and Spouse.
In the interest of full (almost) disclosure, I'm having a pretty interesting Thanksgiving right now. You can ask me about it if you like. I'm spending it with my friends and we ate Indian food for dinner. Also I bought a cheap pie crust with pumpkin filling and I stole some cranberry sauce to make my dinner sufficiently Thanksgiving-y.
Anyway, neither I nor My Future Kids will ever be alone on Thanksgiving. I think that the very saddest thing is being alone for Thanksgiving. That is how you know that you are truly alone. Now, I typically don't believe in having emotions, but for some reason, Thanksgiving lunch at my school was strangely meaningful and emotionally charged for me. I think Thanksgiving is a great way to think about the people in your life and appreciate them. To be alone on Thanksgiving is to have no one. Even dinner with strangers on Thanksgiving is better than being alone.
Moral of the story: I, and therefore My Future Kids, refuse to be forever alone.