It Takes a Network

I just watched a really depressing movie. Now I'm too sad to work and too caffeinated to cry myself to sleep. Also Roommate told me to journal about the feels, so here I am.
I can't really pinpoint what I'm feeling except that it's bad. I just feel kind of shitty. It kind of reminds me of how I felt after watching Requiem for a Dream, except a different kind of shitty. The movie I watched was Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father: Basically, it's a documentary full of all the memories about a man who was murdered by an ex-lover who was pregnant with his child. The movie was made by his best friend from childhood and features his parents prominently. I think the parent-child relationships really get me. And those relationships where you really, really, love each other. There is something really beautiful and heartbreaking about that kind of love. This guy had tons of people who really loved him.
I wonder, and I feel bad for wondering, if I could be any of those people. Do I, will I ever have relationships like those? I can imagine my dad in the place of his dad. Typically calm and logical, with a good hold on his emotions, suddenly mad and sad and angry. My parents would act like his parents even though I don't have as good a relationship with them as he did. It makes me feel bad that I don't make more of an effort to stay in touch with the 'rents, but it also makes me uncomfortable when people love me a lot more than I love them. So that's that.
I have accepted, though, that my relationship with My Future Kids will be much the same. I will love them rather a lot, and they will love me rather less, and that's okay. I do hope that I will know My Future Kids better than Parents know me. I feel like that network of family and friends is so important and I kind of feel like I missed out on that. I've seen Mother's side of the family once in my life and do not even know their names. I know Father's immediate family and progeny but only Grandmother and Cool Aunt lived nearby. No one is even my age, really. I'm probably closest in age to my cousin's kid who's starting high school, I think. I'm not even friends with any of the people I was friends with in elementary school.
Sometimes I wonder where the line is between a friend and an acquaintance  I'm friendly with more people than I used to be, but I don't exactly hang out with people. In typical Midwestern Fashion, I'm not really into having a lot of friends, more a few very close friends. I have a couple, but sometimes I worry about being left behind. There are a few people that I like a lot, and it doesn't really matter to me how they feel about me. I wonder if that's why I don't have many friends: because I tend not to care what people think of me; I think it's a vulnerability thing. I'm trying to be more open. To make friends by being happy to see everyone. I don't really know if it works. I'm still kind of afraid of people.
On a related note, I just unbuttoned Roommate's pants for her because she just painted her nails. So I guess I can't be that badly off.